11 Ways to Have a Strong Marriage After Kids

Having kids changes your whole world. When you have kids, it adjusts the course of your marriage. Maintaining a strong relationship when you are burnt out and overtired can be super hard. But not impossible!!! Here are 11 ways to have a strong marriage after you have kiddos.

1: Share Moments of Affection Away Everyone:

It is important to share occasional time without anyone else. While it can be hard to find these moments to share time with your husband. Once the kids are in bed sit down together and watch a movie together, or play a game of chess. Find the time to share bits of time together. It does not need to be a huge amount of time, but authentic. Before you had kids you had more time to spend together, so its crucial you still make it a priority.

2: Communicate Frequently:

Communication is a big key to keeping a healthy and functioning marriage. Kids and work schedules can make communicating very difficult, though it is important to keep in mind that mind that you need to. Marriages can not work if you do not talk to each other. Now discussing things with your spouse can be difficult when you communicate in different ways. Adjusting your expectations and how you try to talk to your spouse can really affect your marriage in a positive way.

3: Make Each Other A Priority:

It is so easy to let each other fall through the cracks. You have so much going on with work, the kids, maintaining a home, etc. that it can be easy to let each other slip. You make other things a priority which is okay! You can have more that priority going on, just find that balance for you and your spouse. Life is busy, but it necessary to make sure you maintaining your spouse as a important piece of your life.

4: Learn to Value Each Others Time:

When you begin to grow your family you automatically have less time. Your time is now filled with taking care of your baby and making it in the world. Valuing your spouses time becomes especially important because you both have much less time. Your spouse is just as meaningful as yours, do not assume that they have nothing going on or that their plan for the day has less value than yours.

5: Date:

Once we have kids we tend to stop “dating” our spouses. But that quality time is so needed to show the appreciation for each other and to keep the spark alive. It does not need to be something crazy! The simplest dates are often the best. Thought and quality time is what counts here. Remember to not diminish the amount of quality time you are spending with your spouse!

6: Remember Marriage is Not 50/50:

Keeping in mind that marriage is not a fair thing. Sometimes you give more than your spouse and that is okay. Be patient. It does not last forever. The tides will turn and maybe they will be giving more than you at times. Marriage is a wonderful thing, but can be very tough. The hard times do not need to last just stay forgiving.

7: Bad Days are Okay:

Life is full of ups and downs. Marriage is not protected from this fact. You will have some of the best days and some of your worsts. Keep in mind that it is totally okay to not have good days. That they do not last. Bad days are just a piece of life. If all you have are good days they will not seem so good. You need the bad to see and appreciate the good.

8: Understand Each Others Strengthens and Weaknesses:

Every person has strengthens that they will bring to the marriage. Remembering that you will bring different things to the relationship. Which is good because bringing different things to the table is important. Where you may be lacking, your spouse can make up for it. That is what you want, that is what makes a good team. Understanding and knowing each others strengthens and weaknesses.

9: Keep in Mind Their Love Languages:

Love languages play a huge piece of relationships. Depending on your spouses love language is 9/10 how they show love. If their love language is physical touch they may attempt to demonstrate their love for you in that way. Now if your love language is not physical touch then you may not see it as a demonstration of love. Keeping their love language in mind will help you see how they are showing you love. We have a whole post on love languages, you can read it here. ( insert page).

10: Find Things You Both Enjoy Besides Your Kiddos:

Keeping things in your marriage that you both enjoy that do not require your children will help you have a strong marriage. It does not need to be anything crazy, it could be taking walks together, going to local museums, or both have a passion for trying new restaurants. There is nothing wrong with having your children extremely involved in your life. But to have a strong and healthy marriage after having kiddos you should find things you both enjoy.

11:Find things to do together:

This tip sounds very similar to number 10 and it is, but it is also quite different. Doing things together and having quality time do not need to be complex. There is a term called parallel play where children a couple years apart do not necesscarily play together but play near each other. Finding things to do with your spouse can mimic parallel play. You do not need to be doing the same thing or even be talking to be able to do something together.

Conclusion:

It can be very hard to keep your spouse as a priority after having kiddos, they become your whole world and that is okay. Though to keep a healthy marriage remembering to spend quality time, that your spouse has bad days, that marriage is no 50/50, or even what their love language is will help you guys stay a float and in love.