The importance of the 5 love languages in your marriage

Why the 5 love languages are important:

Several things go into a happy and successful marriage, and truly a key piece of being able to communicate your love to them. Each person speaks one the 5 languages as their primary love language. If you are having a hard time connecting with your spouse it may be you are speaking a different language metaphorically.

Perhaps your love language is Gifts but your spouse’s love language is physical touch, you may come home with their favorite drink but the thought is lost on them due to it not being the love language they speak. It can be tough and tricky but once you understand that you don’t show affection in the same manner.

My husband’s love language is physical touch, but mine is positive words of affirmation. I realized we were not showing love in the same way, physical touch is probably 4th on my list of love languages so we weren’t communicating the same way. Once I found out that is what his love language I started to show more affection in that way.

When you’re married you have to some find that common ground and try new things to make sure that they are feeling loved. It can be a tough road to discover how to communicate clearly and show each other the love they need.

The 5 love languages:

Positive words of Affirmation:

These are words that help communicate that you love, appreciate, and have respect for the person you are in a relationship. If your spouses love language is positive words of affirmations it is important to speak encouraging words and compliments to them. They can be directly, a phone call, text messages, or a hand-written letter.

Gifts:

If your spouse has the love language gifts, they need to see your love demonstrated through a tangible object. Something that says I though of you and love you. It does not need to be something crazy expensive just something that shows that they are on your mind and mean something to you. The thought means more than the item, but the item shows them every time they set their eyes on it.

Physical Touch:

Physical touch is such a simple concept. A hug, a kiss on the cheek, a back scratch, a cuddle, etc. You can help alleviate your partners stress and tension by a simple hug, while a small gesture has a huge outcome for them. While this one is simple it may not be your love language which can make it hard to execute, maybe you do not like to give endless hugs. But try to remember that there is several ways to show love through this language. You do not need to constantly attached at the hip, give them a quick back scratch to show you care.

Acts of Service:

An example of acts of service is you see the sink is full of dishes that they had a tough day at work. So you go ahead and do it for them. Or you make them a nice dinner. Just doing something thoughtful that you know they will appreciate. There is several simple things you could do for them to see that “Hey I am thinking of you and you mean a lot to me".

Quality Time:

This does not mean just sitting in the same room or in the same bed and scroll through your phones together. Quality time is taking a nice walk and chatting about your day or putting the screens down and maybe playing a board game with them. Giving your spouse your undivided attention to show them that you care.

Conclusion:

How to apply this to your marriage:

You will need to discover your spouses love language first. You can not really apply these techniques to your marriage if you do not know what language your spouse is speaking. Once you know what their love language is, take a week or two and try to think about what do you think would really show them. Each individual is different and you will need to learn how to see how they recieve love. Maybe their love language is quality time but they hate to sit down and play games or just talk. So take a walk or a car ride to spend sometime together. Do the grocery shopping together. Anything that gets you some good meaningful time together.

If your spouse’s love language is gifts maybe on your way home from errands or work pick up their favorite starbucks order, or a little something you saw that day that made you think of them. Studying your partner to see what means the most to them will help you fill up their “love tank” and help show them that this marriage is still alive and worth working for.

Often you will find that you do not share love languages, and that is okay, you need to communicate with your spouse that what your love language is so they can understand how you receive love. This will also may be helpful due to the fact that most people show love in the way they want to receive it, if you tell your husband that your love languages is acts of service, it may make him think and see all the acts of service you do for him and that is how you demonstrate love.

While it is important to try to see through your partners eyes and understand they may be showing love in the way they speak, it will partially be lost because it is not the language you speak. Offer suggests to them about what makes you feel loved, and vice versa ask them how they would like to see your love shown to them. This can help safe sometime, they can give your good ideas to help your strengthen your marriage and communication.

Love can be tough and often we hold grudges or try to one up each other, marriage is not about that. Forgive and try again, you need to also focus on loving and being the best spouse you can for them even if you feel you are not getting the same energy back. Sometimes you pour more into the marriage and that is okay, it will ebb and flow. Possibly in a couple months it will be swapped. Your spouse is there for you to lean on and go through life together, that is not easy, make sure their bucket is full so that you can weather those storms together.